Knocked Up

Maybe this weekend???

Been having lots of contractions since this morning. Not really timing them at all, but they have been pretty uncomfortable..

Maybe Brian and I will have to have some fun tonight.. that’s how my contractions started last Saturday *blush*

Anyway.. I’m not timing them at all, if they start getting closer together and more painful then maybe I will..

Either way.. I know that Kaitlyn is almost here!!!

I can’t wait to meet her!! She is so loved and I’m filled with happiness just thinking about her!!

Knocked Up

My ultrasound is today!!

I’m jumping for joy. Only an hour before we leave to pick up Brianna from my Mom’s.. I’m so excited to see the baby!!

If it is a boy, the name is Austin Dwight!

If it is a girl, the name is undecided haha. Maybe Kaitlyn Mary… but Brian isn’t sure yet..

Kaitlyn is such a popular name, but when I was in grade school I babysat this 2 year old named Kaitlyn, we called her KayKay.. She was so cute and I always said I would have a daughter named Kaitlyn one day..

I just want a healthy baby, what God blessed us with is fine with me 😀

Knocked Up, LCC, Reflections

Last night was rough..

and it also happened to be one of the best cell groups we’ve had in awhile. Brian wrote down questions, a serious one and a fun one and cut them up and put them in a hat. Then we took turns picking them and telling what our answers were. they let me go first, and not answer right away, because it takes me a little while to formulate my thoughts.Anyway, Clay got two questions and took one happened to be one he always answers. So later on in the night I said he should go again because he always got that question. Then he said, I was a cheater (I had taken my original question and put it back in the hat and took a new one because I didn’t like the one I had..) So I take another one and it says:

What do you need prayer on right now?
What’s your favorite dish?

So I say:

My favorite food is lemon chicken, prepared the way my Mom makes it.

And the second is:

I’m not going to go into the whole staying at home thing, because I am so sick of that and I feel like that is all Brian and I ever talk about.

So, I have been having a lot of issues lately, mostly at work. I’ve been doing a lot of research and I beleive that I need to go into some sort of counseling. I have been reading some things lately and it all points to one thing, since I have been in junior hight anyway.. And that thing is called Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been able to live and handle things because I’ve never been in one place to long for things to get overly stressful. Well now I am in this job for about 1 and 6 months and I can’t handle it anymore.. I have a stress free job and it is the most stressful thing to me, because I make it that way. I don’t do it on purpose, but the smallest things, that normally I can handle, I can no longer handle them. It is affecting my relationships, my marriage, it is affecting everything… But I’m so scared at the same time, because I know how I am and I know that I never succeed when I try to get something, I always fall through. And if I go get help I just know I am going to sabotage it in some way shape or form. And apart of me truly believes that I don’t have a problem at all and that it is everyone else. But I know that is just me being unrealistic… I don’t know. Everything is just so hard and I know that being under so much stress isn’t good for me or the baby, and that I should do something about this.. But it’s like I can’t. 😦 I want to talk to my Dad because I know he is always there for me and will always help me, he got me a counselor before, but everytime I try to pick up the phone to talk to him I can’t. It makes me cry. Because then it’s like they (my parents) will know that I haven’t been truthful, because around them and pretty much everyone I act like everything is perfectly fine and I am the happiest person alive. How can I go from there to I am completely falling apart and if I keep living this way I am going to jump off a bridge. I guess the truth is that I have always in my subconscious thought I wasn’t good enough, and the reason being because my own mother didn’t even want me and she was 34. I love the fact that I am adopted and that I was chosen by such loving and caring parents. That I wouldn’t have what I have without them. I feel truly blessed, but somewhere in that brain I have trained myself to feel that I am not good enough, that I have to do everything possible so that people will like me. It’s like they couldn’t possibly just like me for me, even my parents. I tried to be what they wanted for me, and I always failed. And after doing that year after year, it’s like you can’t get out of it. Like I have this complex that I will fail at everything so why bother, or things that seem to be so easy (even for me at times) are too much that I can’t handle it. Then it piles up and the more it does the more I freak out and retreat into not doing it at all.

Everyone was completely blown away except Brian. No one knew that I was having these issues… not even the people who read this. If you haven’t noticed I don’t go too much into detail about my life, it’s because I don’t want people to be let in, then they will know and I don’t even like knowing..

Sigh…

Knocked Up

Ultrasound is Thursday!!!

My appointment is at 4pm.. We are picking Brianna up at 3:30 and then heading over toe Dr. Ruedrich’s office. My Mom might be coming. I forgot to ask how many people could come. The room is kind of small so not many will fit. I’ll call tomorrow and find out.

I had 2 ultrasounds with Brianna, one at 19 weeks, and my Dad was with me and one at 20 weeks and Brian was with me.

So what are your predictions???

Are we having a boy or a girl?

Knocked Up

AFP test..

Came back normal 🙂

And I ended up receiving the bill for the blood work on the toxoplasmosis. In Jan. we got new health insurance from work and Brian forgot to give me the new cards. So when I went to the lab, they had to send the bill directly to me and then I would file it.

Well I was told that they weren’t going to bill me since it was the lab’s reagent that caused me to test false positive to begin with.

What’s in the mail yesterday but a bill for $421 for toxoplasmosis.

I tried to call customer service and was waiting for 20 min.. I just gave up. I’ll just have to keep trying…

What a pain. I would just send it on to my insurance but we shouldn’t even be getting billed!!!!

Knocked Up

So Happy!!!!!!!!

I never posted about this because I was so upset, but my OB tested me for Toxoplasmosis. Well it came back positive and it was elevated. My OB told me not to worry about it and that sometimes they got false positives so I had to go get another test done.

Well it came back negative!!! And they aren’t going to bill us because it was there reagent that caused the false positive!

I am so relieved!!!! Praise God!!!!!

Knocked Up

My 1st OB appointment!

It was great!! We had a talk with Dr. Ruedrich and that went really well. I love him. I had him with Brianna as well. And then we had an ultrasound and got to see our babies little flickering heartbeat! It was amazing!! Then I had a pap and got blood drawn and was out the door. My next appointment is Dec. 16th!!! Can’t wait 🙂