A glimpse of my week

I haven’t felt like journaling this week, but I did just write this to Kelly and since it describes my week a bit, I though I would put it in here..

I’m doing alright. I had counseling on Wednesday and it went pretty well.. Somehow we started talking about the nightmares I get sometimes, but that is hard to explain in an email, so if you want to hear about them remind me next time we are together. I did have a wierd convo last night though. Sean called to see how I was and if I wanted to switch, why I wanted to switch, if I wanted him to share info with Amanda.. If I wanted to go ahead and cancel our last sessions. I said yes.. I told him that I just thought Amanda’s style was better for me because I have issues with living in this cycle that I can’t seem to get out of and maybe talking about the past, instead of the present will help with that… I’ve been kind of depressed and avoidant this week.. The house has gone to hell. There are so many dishes in the sink I would have to take them out to start washing them. Doing laundry was non-existent as well.. I also avoided phonecalls, letting them go straight to voicemail.. Blah.. I did talk to my Dad this week. I had a bad day, I think Monday maybe.. He called me to see what was going on and I told him I was freaking out about our car situation.. He actually made me feel better, said he would leave his keys on his desk at work for Brian to use his car this week. That in the grand scheme of things we were doing just fine and that everything I was upset about would work out.. I was exactly what I needed to hear.. Gave me some perspective..

Cell group last night was good.. CJ and Jen H*, who are new to LCC came to visit our group. They were really nice. Katie did well with the babysitter and came upstairs to go potty twice.. I held Shelby pretty much the whole time and the girls were totally loving on her as well, said we need a new baby.. Even Katie said she wanted another baby, which before when we would ask her she would say no..

The girls had their well checks yesterday.. Dr. Rothermel was highly impressed with Katie’s potty training and said she would say she is trained. She still is having the poop issue, but that is tough for kids and she tells me she has to go.. Brianna is super tall.. She is in her size 8 clothes today, skipped right over 7’s!!!! She also had to get shots, which she didn’t cry. Even said. “Mommy, I don’t like shots, but I know that I need them to keep me healthy” How cute is that!!!

The other day I got berated by my Mom.. Going on and on about how I’m not happy and that it’s a mistake for me to be off birthcontrol.. And she sees an “opps” in our future and just going on and on about how we can’t even afford to buy a car and having a baby would be stupid.. And all I did was smile and evil smile.. Because Brian and I totally messed up this month.. So a May baby very well could be in our future.. I should be getting my period in a couple of days.. Brian was really irritated though, because he says we’re married, it’s our lives and if we choose to have another baby, then we have another baby (if God has it planned of course LOL)

Anyway.. Sometimes I think it would be better if my parents didn’t live around here because sometimes I feel stuck in daughter wants to please parents mode.. Not daughter needs to live her own life with her family and not care what parents think about it mode haha…

I told Brian I wanted a kitten, he told me no, because it was just a temporary cuddly fix, he’s right…

3 thoughts on “A glimpse of my week”

  1. First of all, Brian is right, what you chose to do as far as children are concerned is your business. They will come and be just right in your family with or without the money for a car payment! No baby is ever stupid. If we all waited around for the perfect time, there would be no babies.

    Secondly, you know it’s ok to allow yourself to shirk housework and to feel the way you are feeling. I am sure people have told you that before, but I wonder if you have told yourself and meant it. When we die and we get to meet God, He isn’t going to pull out pictures of our house with dishes in the sink and say “Tsk tsk, what on Earth were you doing here?!” There’s only one set of footprints in the sand right now honey, let Him carry you, ok?

    Third, you have a wonderful family and you are amazing. Please do not ever forget that. Even when you don’t feel like it. You wanna hear something I have thought about more than once… if you had grown up here in Lima, with your bio mom, I might not know you. Isn’t that strange? We might not be sisters on the paths we are on. You wouldn’t be the same person you are today. And I will never EVER profess to know what feelings you have over your birth and placement, but I thank GOD that the series of events that happened in your life and brought you to me happened. And I won’t ever tell you that what happened in your past doesn’t matter, because it does! And I wish that I had some inkling of what you must experience if only to know the proper words to say to you. I pray daily that I can speak words that will allow you to find peace, that you will feel God’s arms wrapped around you in a comforting hug that I asked Him to give you, and that you will know that you are not in this journey alone. I might not always know what to say or how to say it. I can’t just pop over for a night to talk, but I am here for you. And no matter how long it takes I am here for you. Please just know that.


  2. When we got pregnant with Julie I did one of THE dumbest things I’d ever done…. I wrote my family (parents, 2 sisters) a letter and mailed it to them. Saying how sorry and stupid I was. How we had totally prevented, PLUS been told we could never get pg again, yada yada. And now, looking back, I didn’t need to validate myself to them. I was married, living in our own house. We were having a rough patch, but still…. I never should have done it :-/ I’ve never brought it up…. and I only hope they all threw that letter away!
    Sorry your mom is giving you a hard time, a mother shouldn’t do that, they should support your decisions! ((hugs))

    Wowzers Brianna IS tall!!!! I always noticed that, DH is tall, right? Good nice healthy girls!!!! 😀


  3. It does not matter what anyone around you thinks about expanding your family or how you choose to live your life for that matter because well… IT’S YOUR LIFE! It amazes me that people think they can dictate what others do but if it came down to it they would not listen to anyone else telling them what to do or not to do… I am very touchy when it comes to this, even when people mean well it is still not very appropriate in most instances!

    Wow, Brianna must be so tall! I mean she looks tall in the pictures you post but wow an 8! Lucky girlie!! Venacia and Essynce struggle to fill their size 7’s length wise!

    I went through the new kitty phase right before we got pregnant with Kamari, it did help though 😉
    Love ya babe!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s