I got extremely sad and upset at the prospect of having the boys all day tomorrow. Thursday is supposed to be a half day for me, as I drop them off at Lois’ (their nana) but Deana called and told Brian that would be a no go as Lois hurt her hip.. I didn’t show Brian but I cried.. I just really count on Tues. and Thurs. afternoon breaks. And Friday the kids don’t have school because of Conferences, so there is no break at all… Blah..

I think I just feel super overwhelmed these days.. I just don’t feel like myself..

I have even been avoiding Kelly.. I wrote her an email because she wrote trying to see when we could get together.. We usually try to do GNO but it is also my counseling homework.. And I told her I was avoiding people like crazy these days. She called me this morning and told me to stop avoiding her and that I needed to go to Wee Praise with her and then to Wendy’s for lunch.. So I got the kids together, got there and Tina was there.. Which enabled me to not really talk at all and I focused so much on the kids so I didn’t have to hold a conversation.. I just hate when I feel so antisocial.. I deep down really love all my relationships with people and want to have them, but I get in these “moods” where I just want to fall off the face of the planet and never speak to anyone again..

Brian asked me how I was doing today and I felt extremely uncomfortable.. Because I told him how my day was already, he was asking about my feelings.. Doesn’t he know that I bury feelings away.. I don’t feel feelings.. I might get hurt somehow.. I mean.. how disturbing is that..

Anyway I took a long shower, ended up washing my hair.. Brian put on Radiohead for me and told me to enjoy my shower.. It was so sweet of him.. I really felt loved and appreciated..

I feel like there was supposed to be a point to this.. but now I don’t remember what I was meaning to say..

I’m going to get into bed..

In happier non-reality.. I enjoyed Lost and Invasion tonight.. More so Invasion than Lost..

2 thoughts on “Well…”

  1. I know exactly how you feel hun 😦

    I’m so sorry that you won’t get your break tomorrow. I went damn near PSYCHO watching my neice & nephews, I don’t know how you do it girl. It’s hard watching other people’s children day in & day out..for me anyway…

    Feel better sweetie. I hope you get some much deserved “you” time SOON! I’m here if you want/need to talk.



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