I got extremely sad and upset at the prospect of having the boys all day tomorrow. Thursday is supposed to be a half day for me, as I drop them off at Lois’ (their nana) but Deana called and told Brian that would be a no go as Lois hurt her hip.. I didn’t show Brian but I cried.. I just really count on Tues. and Thurs. afternoon breaks. And Friday the kids don’t have school because of Conferences, so there is no break at all… Blah..
I think I just feel super overwhelmed these days.. I just don’t feel like myself..
I have even been avoiding Kelly.. I wrote her an email because she wrote trying to see when we could get together.. We usually try to do GNO but it is also my counseling homework.. And I told her I was avoiding people like crazy these days. She called me this morning and told me to stop avoiding her and that I needed to go to Wee Praise with her and then to Wendy’s for lunch.. So I got the kids together, got there and Tina was there.. Which enabled me to not really talk at all and I focused so much on the kids so I didn’t have to hold a conversation.. I just hate when I feel so antisocial.. I deep down really love all my relationships with people and want to have them, but I get in these “moods” where I just want to fall off the face of the planet and never speak to anyone again..
Brian asked me how I was doing today and I felt extremely uncomfortable.. Because I told him how my day was already, he was asking about my feelings.. Doesn’t he know that I bury feelings away.. I don’t feel feelings.. I might get hurt somehow.. I mean.. how disturbing is that..
Anyway I took a long shower, ended up washing my hair.. Brian put on Radiohead for me and told me to enjoy my shower.. It was so sweet of him.. I really felt loved and appreciated..
I feel like there was supposed to be a point to this.. but now I don’t remember what I was meaning to say..
I’m going to get into bed..
In happier non-reality.. I enjoyed Lost and Invasion tonight.. More so Invasion than Lost..