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Struggling lately..

I have been really struggling a lot lately on the issue of being a SAHM.. It’s hard for me to even get up in the morning because the thought of going to work just depresses me beyond belief. I mean I live for taking care of Brianna, but after working all day I feel that I am just not my usual laid back happy go lucky self. It has become a strain on Brian and I’s marriage. Even on my friendships. I hate seeing people. Even giong to church has become a chore. Things that I love to do just don’t seem important to me anymore. I do have a script for zoloft but I refuse to take it while I am pregnant.. Brian and I both agree that it would be best for our family if I stayed home. When I have a vacation day and he still has to go into work, it’s as if all the stress melts away. Even Brian could sense that the stress had vanished from the household. Brianna and I spent quality time together, even with me not feeling well. Dinner was ready to go when Brian got home. Laundry was in the process of being finished and not just begun. Had I been feeling well it would have been finished. I found myself loving my husband and not resenting him. I felt more at peace, and more intune spiritually. I actually wanted to get on the phone and talk to friends. Brian asked if I wanted to quit or to stay on until I have the baby. I said I would stay on and then take 3 months maternity and see how everything goes. He agreed that he thought that was best. But I am still struggling daily. My attitude has been horrid and my heart just has this heaviness and anger inside that I can’t explain. I go in and just think, if my boss askes me how I am doing today I am just going to blow up in his face and really let him know how much I hate it here. I do love the people I work with, but it isn’t what I should be doing. I should be at home serving my husband and children. I hate the fact that right now money is our master. That is the only reason I am working.. It is so frustrating to me.. And Brianna justs wants me to be home. She loves staying with my Mom during the day but she always says that she wants to go home and wants “Mommy to come home” It is heartbreaking. I just needed to get all that off my chest……

2 thoughts on “Struggling lately..”

  1. It is hard not being able to stay home with your babies. I love the weekends when Im able to just lounge around the house and watch cartoons with the kids. Some days it is so hard to get up and go. But you have to keep telling yourself your doing what you have to do to provide for them. And you also may be feeling bad because you are pregnant and we all know what that can do to our hormones. 😦

    Good luck Mama I hope things get better for you..

    Like

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